The Rain King Cometh

He parketh his ass right over the Ozarks.  I, for one, am not impressed.  What I am is stuck.  Stuck at my house thanks to this mess:

Perhaps I should not be complaining considering that even though I cannot get out, I am safe and warm inside as opposed to stranded in a car or watching my house flood. 

I had to call in to work today because we can’t get out.  It’s my 2nd week at a new job.  I feel infinitely stupid for having to call in, but they were super nice about it.  My son could not go to school and Tuesday is hubby’s regular day off, so he didn’t have to worry about it.  I suspect he will have to worry about it in the morning, though, because unless it quits raining soon, we won’t be getting out tomorrow either.

We have survived being stuck at home together quite nicely.  I figured being stuck at home without the option of leaving would drive us all crazy, but other than a serious lack of Dr. Pepper (no migraine, no migraine), we did pretty well.

Do you know why I keep writing?  I keep thinking I’ll come up with a funny way to end this blog.  There’s feet of water in my field, horses all stuck up on the hill, haven’t seen the heeler this entire day and my driveway is washed out, so I think I’ll skip funny and just flip a big ole fat bird to the king…

Rock N Roll Euphoria (for me anyway)

I just found out today that the new “Black Crowes” cd is out.  That alone is fantastic news.  I LOVE me some Black Crowes (Chris Robinson is on top of my “who I find oddly attractive” list). 

So, as if that weren’t enough, I was reading that they added two people to the band for this album.  1. some dude I’ve never heard of and    2. LUTHER DICKINSON OF THE NORTH MISSISSIPPI ALLSTARS! 

Um, hello?  Genie?  Yeah, thanks for making wish number 1 come true.  I’ll get back to you on 2 and 3.    P.S, Genie, you’re a big fat stud!

The New Job (or the reason I haven’t been blogging, even though it’s a poor excuse…)

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  (Thanks for checking on me GeorgiePorgie, I’m still kicking).

I started a new job last week.  It was such a tough decision.  My old job was full of drama, backbiting, lies, rumors, bouncing payroll checks, LOOOOONNNNGGGG hours and other such bullshit, BUT the money was the best I’ve ever made.  Spending six weeks of the winter at home gave me time to reflect on my priorities and I decided a week before it was time to go back to the old job that enough was enough.

So, I took another job offer and what a fantastic decision it has turned out to be.  Instead of working Thursday through Monday every week, I have a 4 day on, 2 day off schedule which means some weekends off.  THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE!  I SAID WEEKENDS OFF!  Even if it’s only every so many weeks, it’s still weekends off sometimes!  There’s none of that drama bullcrap AND instead of working until 8:30 at night, I am off by 3:00.  That means being home early for my boy!  I am too excited for words!!

Anyway, I’ve been getting used to my new schedule and just adjusting to the time change and all of that good stuff, so that’s why no blogs. 

Death of the Tooth Fairy

I feel like I am shirking my blogging duties, but I can’t think of anything to blog about, so here’s a little ditty of mine from the place where I USED to blog before Lovely County gave me the opportunity to do it here:

My cousin called the other day to tell me that her sons had been up to no good. Not unusual for them, but this episode really takes the cake:
She has 2 boys, 5 and 3 years old. The older one had discovered he had a loose tooth and went to ask his mom how much money he would get from the tooth fairy for it. She told him he would probably get a dollar and apparently, he thought that was right up town. So, he and his little brother went to work on it right away. They tied string around his tooth and he gave said string to his little brother and told him to yank out the tooth. Little brother did yank and it must have been a good one because….tah dah…. they managed to yank out the wrong tooth. It was the tooth NEXT to the loose tooth. My cousin has been trying to figure out how to discourage the boys from this kind of behaviour without telling them the tooth fairy does not really exist.
My mom wasn’t so thoughtful (not that I blame her considering the circumstances)…

You see, when I was a child, my dad worked out of town a lot and I would sleep in mom’s bedroom with her. Basically we were both huge fraidy cats and both afraid to sleep alone. So, one night after I lost a tooth, I placed it carefully under my pillow in my mom’s bed and went to sleep. The next morning when I awoke I remembered that I should have some money under the pillow and went fishing for it. Mom was still asleep when I started screaming, TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!!! TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!!! THE TOOTH FAIRY LEFT ME TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!” Mom woke up in midst of the hysterical screaming, blinked a few times, got a horrified look of comprehension on her face and said, “Give that back, it was supposed to be three dollars.” She had mistakenly given me a twenty, a five and a one instead of three ones. Thus ended the little pink wing-ed one’s illustrious career in my home…

Dr. Pepper and the Tater Tot

So this morning I went to Sonic to get a giant Dr. Pepper because I woke up with a migraine from lack of it (don’t try telling me they don’t put crack in that soda).  As I was sitting in the drive thru, patiently waiting for my fix, er uh…soda, yeah, soda, I noticed there was a really large poster of tater tots and it got me thinking:  Tater tots are pretty complicated little characters.  They are barrel shaped.  Why?  I have no idea, but they are.  How do they hold together?  How do you get a teaspoon of shredded potatoes to stick together in the bag in the freezer until such time as you decide to bake or fry them?  Fairy magic?  Sheer will-power?  I don’t have any answers here people.  Only questions….only questions.

The Wee Tween Stalker Girl…

First, let me say how happy I am to be back online.  I will try not to throw everything and the kitchen sink from the last 3 weeks into this one blog…

Now, on to the subject at hand.  My 12-year-old son has been “going with” this lovely young lady from his class.  She’s been to our house to visit and we’ve all gone to the movies.  I noticed pretty early on, though, that she has the tendancy to call on the phone…a LOT.  I think back to my childhood when my dad would just go crazy over the constantly ringing phone and I try to be nice about it.  Then I notice that Dalton (my boy wonder) is less than impressed with the constant phone calls.  Not one to want conflict,* he will take all of the calls and be polite, but you could see that he doesn’t appreciate it.  *I would like to note that his desire to avoid conflict does not extend to his mother.  He has no problem telling me exactly what he thinks about any and everything.  How did I get so lucky?  It was probably all of that “don’t be a sheeple, forge your own path crap I taught him, but I digress.

So, I talked with him about the phone calls.  Yes, he is annoyed.  No, he doesn’t want to be mean.  But, then she began breaking the cardinal rule.  No calls to his cell phone unless it is from another phone on his network.  I was cool enough to get him a phone (he doesn’t realize it’s mainly for my benefit, so that I always know where and how he is), but not cool enough to get him a big, fat, expensive phone plan.  I opted for pre-paid in his case.  So, he has unlimited mobile-to mobile on his network and unlimited text, but if someone calls him from any other mobile network or from a home phone, it uses up his money. He takes this VERY seriously.  She has broken this rule multiple times and yesterday I watched as his anger level reached new heights and he told her, “MY MOM SAID IF YOU DON’T STOP CALLING MY CELL PHONE AND USING UP MY MONEY, SHE IS GOING TO CHANGE MY PHONE NUMBER!” 

WHAT????  Even though I agree wholeheartedly, how the hell did I get put in the middle of this mess?  I was driving down the road, minding my own business, thankyouverymuch!  I whipped around to look at him and he just apologetically shrugged his shoulders at me.  cute little turd.  Apparently the little girl’s reaction to this was to not even acknowledge what he had just said and to just continue talking.

I will say this, though.  I’ve considered calling her parents to suggest they groom her for a very successful career in sales.  I’ve never seen anyone with so much persistance.  If Dalton isn’t home, this is how my evening goes:  The home phone rings.  I see it’s her.  I hit the ignore button.  6 seconds pass.  My cell phone rings.  I see it’s her.  I hit the ignore button.  6 seconds pass.  The home phone rings….  do you see the pattern?  Her record is 16 calls between the home and my cell phone in two and a half hours.  I used to answer and explain that he wasn’t home and that I would have him call her back when he returned.  She clearly thinks I’m a fat liar because she always just waited half an hour and called back anyway. 

Two times in my son’s life I have suggested that maybe I should call another child’s parents to resolve an issue he is having.  He didn’t like the idea 6 years ago when the little boy wouldn’t stop picking on him and, apparently, he doesn’t like it any better now.  “MOUMMMM!  YOU CAN’T CALL HER PARENTTSSSSS!  EVERYONE WILL THINK I’M A BIG BABYYYYYYY!  

So, what do you think?  Future psycho or just very persistant? 

WOE…Woe…

My computer was hit by lightning (when the hell did we start having lightning in February?). 

Anywho, that’s the reason for no blogs and I am not going to sit here in the library and try to blog, but when I get my computer back up and running, I’ll be blogging like a madwoman! 

I miss all of my lovely county cohorts!!!

Shameless Braggery (and I don’t feel bad about it)

Tonight, lovely cohorts, I saw a beautiful sight.  My other half called earlier and asked if I was going to my step-daughter’s basketball game tonight.  Why sure!  It was pretty.  Pretty, pretty, pretty!

She is a Senior this year (12th grader, not a member of the AARP) and the team captain.  Has had a good basketball career and has a couple of small schools scouting her.

The team we were playing tonight (don’t you love how people say “we” were playing them) is our school’s big rival.  You know how every school has that one rival and they just go crazy trying to outprank, outjerk, outplay each other?  Well, tonight they were playing that team. 

So, here’s how it played out:  Neither team ever had any more than a 7 point lead over the other.  The lead went back and forth a few times.    The parents in the stands were crazy.  The other team’s parents insisted that the reps were dumb, blind and horribly inept at calling the game.  We, of course, were perfectly behaved as I don’t believe in taking away from the hard work the kids are doing by blaming crap on the reps nor do I believe in kicking the jerk behind me square in the ballocks when he won’t shut up his screaming, though it did cross my mind.

It was a physical game.  Girls were hurtling through the air, jumping, dribbling,  FLYING, I TELL YA! 

4th quarter came.  They stayed within 2 points of each other, they tied the game, we (oh, yeah…we) went into overtime!  So four minutes back on the clock and the other team scored four points pretty quickly.  OH LAWD!  There were freethrows (I couldn’t sit down, I couldn’t calm down…I considered passing out) We were 2 points behind with 35 seconds left on the clock and SO HELP ME GOD, OUR GIRL HITS A THREE-POINT SHOT!  WE WON BY THE ONE POINT!!!

Yes, I am shamelessly bragging.  No, I do not feel bad about it.  Four games left in her High School career.  I hope she gets that many more wins, but man, I don’t know if I can take any more that are that close!

What’s the problem with Mondays?

The problem with Monday is…well, it’s Monday.  Why the stigma?  Simply, noone wants to go back to work after a weekend of leisure and, statistically, 87% of those who were off work on Sunday are hungover on Monday (okay, I formulated this statistic myself - it may not be particularly accurate).  Personally, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have a weekend off unless you count my winter layoff, which I don’t.  Lay me off when it’s a balmy 75 degrees every day and then we’ll talk).

ANYWAY, I’ve decided to try and take the sting out of this least loved day of the week.  So, my convivial cohorts, let us consider on this gankest of weekdays, the giant tadpole lover:

Much like the “My Buddy” doll Eric had when he was a child, wherever he goes, his giant tadpole goes.  Here you see the pair on the dancefloor of a local pub swaying to the sweet sounds of Sade.  Incidentally, this particular bit of dancing landed Eric in the pokey for a short stint.  Because of his obvious lack of pants, the deputy who arrested him thought Eric was trying to do a little “pokey” of his own.  After further research, it was found that Sex on the Beach was what Eric was drinking, not what he intended to do with his giant tadpole.  The deputy blamed the background noise in this popular pub for the misunderstanding and Eric was allowed to go free.

So, yeah, it’s Monday, but things could certainly be worse…

Snowed-In

Okay, so not REALLY snowed in since we only got about three and a half inches, but pretending to be snowed in just because it’s fun…

So, what’s the haps this week, you ask?  You can view my latest Eureka Springs trip report here:  http://lovelycounty.com/parkbench/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=36  Good times!

School is snowed out today and the boy and I are vegging out.  We would be out in the snow building a snow family, but I think we’ve had a bit of the flu for the past couple of days. Just remember geekfest breakfast attenders:  If you get sick, I caught it from you, not the other way around…yeah… that’s it.

We’re gearing up for Superbowl Sunday.  One of the few days I will accept being a short-order cook.  So far, we are having chili, pickle rolls, salsa and chips and the orders just keep coming.  Go Giants (you know, since my Chiefs won’t be there until next year…hey, we’re regrouping).

I am once again convinced that dogs have fairly short term memory since every time it snows, I open the door to let them out to potty and they look at me like WHAT THE HELL IS THAT STUFF????  (but aren’t they cute???!) Neville and Seamus (click on their names to see them)…

Now, I must go and fix the boy wonder some MaltOMeal.   Yeah, this means he’s getting his appetite back!  We may yet have snowpeople adorning our front yard!!!! 

Oh, and I’ve discovered I don’t have the first foggiest idea how to put pictures in my new blog…Must…Do….Research…